What You Want Ch 3

Chapter 3: Confusion-Weight of the World by Evanescence

Somewhere in France, it was daytime.  It was not so in Japan.

“Hi, Haruhi!”

“Tamaki, do you know what time it is in Japan?”

“No.  Why?”

“Never mind.”

Haruhi really wondered about Tamaki sometimes.  It was a good thing they were on the phone so he could not see her facepalm.

“Haruhi, are you doing alright?”

“Other than being woken up, yes.”

“Oh, Haruhi, why didn’t you say so? I’m so sorry! When should I call back?”

Haruhi sighed.

“Tamaki, I’m already up.  Better now.   I’m good, just getting ready to go talk to Kyoya later tonight at a charity event.”

“Good! I haven’t talked to him yet, but he seems willing to talk to you.  I think Hunny will be contacting him soon as well.  Don’t worry, we’ll make him see.”

“I hope so.  After that last conversation, I don’t feel so good about us.”

“I felt the same, Haruhi.  Don’t worry, you’re level-headed and understand him.  You’ll figure it out.  You always do.”

“Thanks, Tamaki.  Do you want me to tell him any message for you?”

“No, not right now.  I’m not sure what to say to him yet.  It….still hurts.”

“I’m sorry,” Haruhi said, her tone softer.

“He’s my friend, but he’s hurting.  I don’t know why, and it’s confusing me.  He’s not like this normally.  You need to find out and tell him that we’re going to fix it all.”

“Don’t worry, Tamaki, I will.”

“Good.  Say hi to everyone for me.  I’ll be back in Japan in a week or two, once this trip in Paris is done.”

“Good luck.”

“Thanks, Haruhi.  Have a good night! And go talk sense to Kyoya!”

“I will.  Good night.”

Haruhi hung up and went right back to sleep.  She felt a little better after talking to Tamaki.  She was surprised at how much he trusted her with him.  Normally he understood his friend better.  He was confused, which only worried Haruhi more.

Kyoya was unsure what to think or expect.

After his conversation with Tamaki and Haruhi, he was beginning to have second thoughts.  He probably had worded things worse than he could have.  Tamaki’s face made it hard to fall asleep, especially since he had not called back yet.  But it was the fiery anger he felt after arguing with Haruhi that kept him up.  She confused him.  She said she cared, but her actions said otherwise.  How did she expect to rise to the challenge?

With the charitable event now just hours away, Kyoya was going about his business, making calls and keeping himself busy.  He was avoiding thinking about Haruhi and what she would do there, as well as why the Americans had still not contacted him one way or the other about talking to him.  What had he said wrong? He had a good grasp of English.  He knew what kinds of phrases to avoid.  Where had he gone wrong?

Soon, it was time for the party, and Kyoya made his appearance.  Tonight, the benefit was for children mentally disabled, and his company gave generously.  He was expected tonight, if only to receive an award for all his kindness.  Haruhi’s firm also gave a small amount to an ancillary foundation, so they had been invited.  Would she come alone, or with others?

He did not have to wait long.  She came with some of her elders, all putting on a good face.  She soon fell into conversation with people, and he ignored her outwardly after that.  Showing her attention would not help him any.

Most of the night passed on like that, with Kyoya talking to everyone but Haruhi, and Haruhi talking to whomever she happened to be next to, which changed a lot since her elders liked to wander and knew almost everyone there.  She would not have been able to go normally, but once she told them that she had been asked by Kyoya, well, they would not say no to him. 

Toward the end of the night, Haruhi decided that Kyoya had avoided her enough.  No doubt this was part of his plan, to make her come to him.  She would do it, but in her own time.  She would not be bullied by him, or told what to do completely.  She was an independent woman, able to take care of herself.  She would do things her own way.

Meanwhile, Kyoya kept tabs on Haruhi all night.  He thought that Haruhi might have word from Tamaki, and so was waiting.  That, or she was more stubborn than he gave her credit for.  Probably both.  Either way, she smiled her Host smile and talked like the natural that she was.  How she did it was beyond him. 

When Haruhi finally did approach Kyoya, he saw and did nothing to help her find a way into the conversation.  Of course, the guy speaking knew her and immediately moved aside to let her into the group.  She smiled her thanks as she listened to what he said about new methods being used to treat patients with ADHD.  Kyoya added his two cents and more, as one of his hospitals was already using the treatment.  Others soon asked him questions, and he answered all with his magnanimous smile. 

But, it was Haruhi’s question that made him think.  It made all stop talking for a moment before Kyoya gave his honest answer, leading to a discussion about other aspects and if it could be improved.  Later on, Haruhi had more thought-provoking questions, and Kyoya was forced to acknowledge that he did not know the answer to some of them, and he should.  After that, he took his leave of the group, in search of answers.

Haruhi followed after him, excusing herself to find someone.  Kyoya was in a corner, talking to some doctors.  She could guess what he was asking, and she hoped it was related to her questions.  She did not know much about that area, but she would research it more if that was what he talked about when at events like this.  She would not be left behind. 

She was at the top of her class all throughout school, and this was no different.  Kyoya may do all the cutting-edge research, but he did not have all the answers.  Now the question was how to make him see that in all aspects of his life.  Haruhi had her work cut out for her.  

Kyoya saw Haruhi coming.  The upcoming interaction was inevitable, so it was better to just get it done now before he went and found the other people he needed to talk to.  Haruhi’s question had sparked more questions, and he needed to investigate those first thing Monday.

Kyoya excused himself and walked toward Haruhi.  They greeted one another and then went quiet.  Haruhi had a stiff back as she looked at him, while he looked away, wanting to not be there.  He just needed to get this done.

“What news from Tamaki?”

“Tamaki is in Paris, working and keeping busy.”

Well, it was not short one word answers like he had expected.  She had done that with Tamaki a lot in the hard times of the relationship.  That was a good sign that she did not hate him.

“That’s all? Nothing new and exciting? No one that he thinks we just have to meet?”

Kyoya could remember being woken at all hours of night with calls from Tamaki about people he had just met.  It did not matter how unimportant or little he saw them: if they were interesting and nice, then Tamaki thought it beneficial for Kyoya to meet them.  He was trying to help Kyoya, in his own way.

“No, nothing like that.  He’s thrown himself into his work more than usual as there is an issue with staffing.”

Haruhi’s voice had none of her usual enthusiasm.  Granted, it was about Tamaki, so perhaps things were still not all fixed as he assumed they would be.

“I see.  He didn’t send any message like normal?”

“No, Kyoya.  He’s still hurt by what you said, and he doesn’t really know what to say.  He’s confused.  Did you intend that to happen?”

That got Kyoya going.  That accusing tone was back, and he would have none of that.

“I didn’t intend any of this to happen.  I just wanted to speak my mind.”

“In the worst possible way.”

Ah, Haruhi, so blunt.  Honest, but too blunt sometimes. 

“Haruhi, if you’re going to talk like that-“

“You do it, too.  We’re honest with each other.  Isn’t that what you want?”

Ah, reference to last time.  Now it made more sense why she was being abrupt with him.  She thought it allowed after his treatment of her.

“Yes, I always prefer honesty.”

“From others, but don’t give us the same courtesy.”

“Haruhi,” he said, an edge added to his voice.  He put up with a lot of things, but he did not have to.

“If you were being completely honest, then you would have said something earlier about how you felt.  But you didn’t.  That is your own fault.”

“Things were difficult on my end.”

“So tell me about them.  Tell me anything.”

Haruhi stood closer to Kyoya.  As much as he wanted to back away from the intimacy with her, he knew that was a sign of weakness.  He could not show that to Haruhi.  But he could still speak his mind openly since she was going there.

“I don’t feel comfortable telling you.”

“Could you tell Tamaki? Do you still trust him enough, or not? What about the rest of the group?” she asked, trying to corner him, get something out of him.  There had to be someone.

“I haven’t figured that out.”

“Then you should.  How do you expect to go in this world if you lose your friends because you refused to talk to them?”

“They don’t tell me anything.”

If Haruhi was more immature, she might like to stamp her foot in frustration.  They kept going in circles, going nowhere.  He kept saying that.

“Because you asked for space.  We did what you asked.  Why doesn’t that make sense to you? You can’t have it both ways, having space and having us talk to you.  It doesn’t work that way.  You aren’t Hunny; you can’t have your cake and eat it, too.”

Kyoya smiled, his body’s tension easing slightly at the mention of his eldest cake-eating friend.  Haruhi smiled as a result.  Kyoya was thoughtful for a moment.

“He does do that, doesn’t he?”

“With the amount he eats, and the way Reiko spoils him, yeah, he does,” said Haruhi with a bigger smile.

In moments, the last three months were forgotten.  Now, they could think about happier moments.  They ignored the complications and thought about what mattered most, their friends.  Haruhi’s voice softened, and Kyoya’s mien loosened up more.

“It amused me to see Reiko and Mori arguing over how much cake he should be eating at his own wedding.”

The scene had been rather priceless in both person’s minds.  Haruhi laughed before answering.

“Naturally.  I think the only reason they finally came to an agreement was because Reiko mentioned something about brushing his teeth more.  Of course Mori would drag him away to brush his teeth.”

“Well, after that last time, I don’t think Mori ever forgave himself,” said Kyoya, remembering the past incident.

“No, and he’s not likely to.  But he impressed upon Reiko the necessity for good dental care at least.”

“I doubt she actually hexed his toothbrush like she said she would.  Do you think so, Haruhi?”

“That’s assuming you even believe in Black Magic.  No.  If anything, she probably just asks him nicely to do it each night.”

“I’d get annoyed if my wife asked me that every night.”

Kyoya did not like nags, or anyone who constantly annoyed him with little things like that.  He had bigger matters to attend to.

“Your wife wouldn’t have to tell you, I suspect.  You’d do it on your own.  She’d just smile and nudge you if you get lazy once.”       

Kyoya was almost tempted to make some remark about anyone having to do it at all, but restrained himself.  Not yet.  He would not rise to the bait.  They were not ready for teasing remarks.  Keep it serious.

“If I have a wife, and if she is willing to stand up to me.”

“You wouldn’t marry anyone else.  You don’t like simpering rich girls with no brains.”

“Indeed.  I’d much prefer them to have a brain like yours.  Preferably ones with a mouth like you, too.”

If Kyoya was being honest, it was a necessity. 

“Despite all my harsh comments.”

“Because you actually tell the truth.”

“So why don’t you believe me when I said all this to you earlier or a couple days ago?”

And just like that, they were back to arguing.  How had Kyoya managed to find a girl like Haruhi? She was one in a billion.  Still, she was not his, and she making him question himself and his motives.  He had always thought himself to be unselfish when it came to his friends.  But they had hurt him, not the other way around.  She did not understand that, and he needed to show her.  That, and get away from her.

“Haruhi, you’re not seeing it from my perspective.  You have a biased view at present.”

“Then you need to explain it to me.  What is so hard about that? I just want to talk to you, just like we were moments ago.”

“I’m trying to explain myself.”

“You’re doing an awful job of it.  You just keep accusing me and telling me that you’re not ready to share anything with me.”

“That is me explaining.  For now.”

Haruhi sighed.  She could feel a headache coming on.  She did not want to deal with this right now, but this was the only way.  Why was he being so difficult? What was he missing? What was she missing?

“When will you be ready to explain more? I want to know so I can come over and have a long talk with you when you’re ready.”

“Time’s not going to help.  It’s about exposure.”

“What do you think I’m doing right now?”

“Being difficult.”

“Me! Look at yourself.  I’m willing to admit my wrongs.  Are you?”

“I was the one wronged here, Haruhi.”

“So was I.  If you don’t think that, then you don’t know me all that well.  Do you think I like seeing my friends in pain? Do you think I like to be told to stay away, or be avoided for no reason?”

Now Kyoya was wincing.  Did she feel like that? Yes, she had to since he and Tamaki were both hurting.  He had hurt her.

“No, I don’t think so.”

Progress! Haruhi wanted to shout for joy.  How much should she push her luck? Might as well try.

“Both of us have been hurt, Kyoya.  Don’t you see? We have to acknowledge this, and then move on.”

Haruhi reached out her hand to Kyoya.  She had to try something.  Kyoya just looked at it before moving away.  Haruhi slumped a little.

“What if I’m not ready to acknowledge everything right now?”

Haruhi was tired of this game.  She needed a straight answer, and if she had to invade his personal space to do it, then she would.  And move she did.

“Is that because you don’t want to, or just don’t know it all right now?”

Kyoya fidgeted slightly.  It was both, and he knew it.  Haruhi probably knew it, too.  Why was she asking this? Because she asked the hard questions and went where no one else did.

“That’s not important right now.”

His words cut her.  He should not feel that way. He could not mean it.  He should not feel any of those things he was feeling.  He ought to be able to trust her, and he did not.  It hurt, and now her headache was coming on full-blast.  She felt so light-headed staring so intently at him.

“If that’s how you feel, then this conversation is done.  We’ll talk again soon, and I hope you’ll be ready to answer that question honestly, among other ones I have.”

Haruhi turned around and left him.  She made a beeline for the others she came to the party with, informing them that she was feeling light-headed and needed to go home to rest.  They understood.  She was gone in no time.  She had to think, but not now. 

All that was going through her mind was the series of mood shifts that Kyoya had experienced when talking to her.  It started out stiff and awkward, then more of their attitude of late, questioning and unsure.  Then, it had been so nice and easy.  Finally, he was frustrated.  Just thinking about him was making her head pound more, or was it a lighter feeling? That was not normal. 

Kyoya was also replaying their conversation in his head, while he talked to his associates, as well as with other doctors and people from the foundation.  All throughout, his mind was focused on her after she left.  It kept replaying the same part, when she told him that she had been hurt.  He did not want to think about what he had done, but he was doing it anyway.  Why?  Because it was Haruhi, and she did that to him.  She made him think and question himself.

The rest of the night passed quickly after that.  He was soon at home, thoughts of Haruhi still going slower through his mind.  He had finally made his mind try to focus on other parts, so when he did fall asleep, it was to thoughts of Haruhi laughing with him about Hunny and his sweet tooth problems.

The next day brought a renewal of thoughts of last night, but Kyoya did not have time to deal with it as he had family events to worry about today.  Near the end of the day, Kyoya had a visitor in the hall.  He found Hunny waiting patiently, big smile in place.

“Kyo-chan! There you are! I was wondering if I might find you here.  We should have lunch together.  How about next week?”

“I believe next week would work.”

“Good! What about Tuesday or Wednesday?”

“Tuesday is preferred.”

“I like it! I can’t wait to talk more to you, Kyo-chan.  You’ve missed so much.  Wait until you hear about Reiko! The usual place?”

“The usual place works.  See you then.”

Hunny was gone, and Kyoya was amazed that he had not asked about Haruhi, or wanted to meet sooner.  He would ask when they met.

The next day at work, Kyoya lost track of his day.  By the time he left work, he found himself exhausted.  Haruhi had been on mind, but this time because of her questions about the medical treatment.  He had been in meetings with various people and patients, then was tracking down others and related information for the rest.

One question turned into another.  Each time, there was his own inner need to know everything and each little detail, but there was also that small but clear voice of Haruhi, asking him the main question.  Did he have an answer? No.  And he could not rest until he had that for her.

As he went to bed that night, he came to the realization that Haruhi had managed to insert herself quite easily into his life with just a few simple questions.  Was this because of who she was and what she did, or was there something else at play?

He did not know, and he did not like not knowing.  Just like he did not like the idea of hurting her.  He decided that he was being too easy on her.  He had much to occupy himself with before he saw her again.    

End Chapter 3.  Next Chapter: What You Wanted by OneRepublic